Nuffnang

Thursday, 18 May 2017

To My First Born on Her First Day Of Pre-School



Dear LittleLim,

Today on the 16th of May 2017, you embarked on a new journey and in the process unlocked another milestone achievement. One of many you've already done, dusted and accomplished and one of many more you will soon be doing and hitting. Today is the first day of preschool for you and to be honest, I am a little unappreciative of how you're a little oblivious to how major this is. But at 28 months I get that having all your gummies and getting all your "toiis" (toys) are a more important task than going to school. 

I'll be excited for the both of us. As I laid your outfit out and pack your bag (one too many times because I feel like I'm forgetting something) yesterday, my heart is going so fast I'm sure your little brother felt it. I'm all nerves, excitement, happiness and sadness that today has finally come. No preparation would fully prepare me for this day, but I know it must happen. My firstborn starting her education journey.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of how well you handled your first day. As you walked in with me to your new environment, you were cautious but warmed up so easily. You looked like you were about to cry when I told you I had to go but soon forgotten about tears as you saw your new friends. You even made one of your classmates who was crying feel better by offering a "hi5" to him.

After that mummy had to say goodbye to you and trust your teachers to take over. As I walked out to join your daddy who had been watching outside this whole time, my heart got heavier. This is it, your first official step into the world of learning. We cannot be any more happier with the school you are attending and we are sure it will be the beacon of your education journey. We know that this school will provide you with space to explore, learn, play and grow and we are so happy to know that you like your teacher.

As I bid you goodbye, I say a silent prayer that you will always enjoy learning. You will always have that sense of wonder and excitement just as you stepped into your school for the first time. That you will love gaining knowledge and that you will discover yourself while unlocking your potentials.

My wish for you is that you always learn to give your best in everything you do. Don't worry about perfect scores but never stop trying to achieve excellence. Always get up when you fail and never be afraid to fail. Always remember that the discovery of yourself, developing the right attitudes and character during this journey is more important. You are in a safe place, so use it to find you. We love you and are so excited to see your journey unfold.

Love you sweetheart.
-Mommy

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Mamas, It's Okay To Be Okay!


"I love motherhood. I really do but sometimes I feel guilty for loving it too much. It's like I have everything working well, healthy body, time, energy and a relatively good baby. It's like things are going too well and I feel guilty cause I'm not "suffering" like everyone else. I'm not sad, I'm not Emo, I'm not having PPD. And then I wonder if I'm not doing something right or if I'm too chilled or I'm too easy..."

Recently a friend shared that with me. She's a new mom and she was sharing with me how she loves being a mother but how that happiness makes her feel guilty. It was like she was struggling with accepting how smooth things were going for her and how she needed to "struggle" to be real. At that moment, I was so happy for her and I wish I was in her shoes because I've been very open with how difficult I found motherhood. I'd give anything to be her but it saddened me that she thought she had to be "unhappy" to be a good mom. That's when I realised that just because I found motherhood difficult and struggled with it doesn't mean that every mom should or is. 

We're in an era where people speak out without fear and I love it. I love how issues that used to stay hidden can be brought to light so no one ever needs to "suffer in silence" anymore. But more and more I feel like people want to look like the don't have it all. Like they thrive on imperfection. They look at perfection or happiness as something that is "bad" and "undesirable". Being teased, suicide, ppd, anxiety, mess, and everything under the sun is glorified. Suddenly everyone is a victim of something and if you're not a victim you're weird or sheltered or aren't doing enough.

But you know what, just because life wasn't perfect for you doesn't mean that everyone has to have it imperfect too. That is just crazy and plain rude. It's like how I hate bananas and suddenly everyone can't enjoy bananas also. And if you happen to like bananas, shame on you! But that's exactly what we're becoming and I personally don't subscribe to it.

Good for you for being vocal about your imperfections. Good for you for sharing. Good for you for being relatable to others who are in the same position as you. Good for you for sharing your story. Good for you. Really. But don't go around thinking that everyone needs to suffer with you. Don't go around forcing it down everyone's throat. Don't go around judging others who aren't imperfect. Don't go around making those who are happy feel bad just because you're not.

I told my friend this. More like telling myself also.

"Be happy. Be you. Be good at what you do. Be brave and own your happiness. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy that happiness. Embrace that happiness. Be glad that you have that happiness and DON'T EVER FEEL GUILTY about it. "



And really why do you want to be imperfect? Why do you want to struggle? I am and have always been a perfectionist. I don't get why I need to have a lower standard just to look more human? Screw that. I want to be happy, I want to have it all, I want to be good at motherhood, at being a wife and at being myself. I want to be able to juggle everything and have everything. Most of all, I want to be happy doing it all. But I know I fall short a lot of times. I struggle. But I want to get better all the time. 

Just because I am still on my way doesn't mean that I should be bitter or unhappy for those who have everything. In fact I should use them as inspiration to get to where I want to be. Instead of saying how "lucky" they are for not having it bad or making them feel less because they aren't suffering. Or making them feel bad for being able to get help so that they can do it all. 

I get that motherhood is hard. But you know what, it isn't always hard and that there are people who thrive on it. There are people who are born mothers. There are people who love it. There are people who enjoy the sleepless nights. Who recover faster. Who juggle better. Who have help and bounce back faster. Who can do it all because they're just good at it. And you know what, if you're one of those moms, good for you! Don't feel guilty. You definitely don't have to! Enjoy your motherhood experience. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy your kids and be happy.

Don't feel bad that there are other moms who are struggling while you're happy. Seriously, what kind of life will that be. If that's the case, then give up your houses and cars because there will always be homeless people on the street. At the end of the day, how you feel is how you feel. You should never be ashamed of it. If you find something worth being happy for, grab it. And I for one think a new motherhood journey is one that should invoke happiness. And if you have it yay you! 

Come, I will celebrate with you and throw you a damn party! I'm so proud and happy for you.

I for one wished mine was happier. But it is what it is. So I hope with my second it is less tears, more joy. That's why I'm taking all the steps necessary to make sure it is. Always remember that it's okay to be okay. 

Please don't ever feel like you're less of a mother just because you aren't suffering. Seriously. 

-Ally

Friday, 5 May 2017

"Love You!" - How She Sees Me.


I've collapsed on the couch. A heap mess of tiredness, sweat and feeling like a whale at 32 weeks. If there's anything I really want is some moment of quietness. Of course, that isn't happening. Less than a minute later "pranggggg". The bowl that was holding LittleLim's oranges is on the floor the metal bowl clanging hard on the tiles. I feel my blood boil because if there's one thing I hate, it's mess. But accidents happen and I pluck myself off the couch and head over all smiles comforting her that accidents indeed do happen and that she needs to be more careful in the future. I tell her "love you" and go ahead and clean it up. 

She's sitting on her Stokke watching some iPad. I'm too busy doing the laundry and washing dishes from lunch to entertain her. Suddenly I hear her cry and poke my head out. She's on the floor and crying. Clearly climbed the chair and fell even when I told her not to over and over again. I breathe out hard, toddlers! She sees me come closer and cries harder. Instead of scolding her for disobeying me, I pick her up and told her again that this is why we sit properly on chairs. I comfort her and tell her "love you" and go back to my chores. 

She's doing some art while I'm paying our bills online. She stops drawing, she looks up at me, holds my hand and says "love you". It sounded more like "ROVE YOU" (*laughs* my daughter has her Ls and Rs mixed up for a while now) but the impact was there. Everything makes sense and the purpose of why you do what you do becomes clear.  The way they look at you with such sincerity and honesty - you cannot doubt their genuinity. No inch of malice or doubt. It's clear that they see you as whole as their everything. And like children, they desire you their parent. 

These surprise attacks remind you why you try your best to mother. Why you give your best to them. To make sure they never go a day without realising that they are loved even when things don't go right, even when they make mistakes, even when they have booboos and fall short - they never forget that they are loved. That your love for them is unconditional and that they will always be loved. 


It's when she's secure and confident that she will always be loved is when she is able to show what love is. When love begets love, I always remind myself to repeat how much I love my children. When she tells me she loves me, she's not only telling me she needs me, she's telling me she knows she is loved. And when she knows she's loved, I know I'm doing this mother thing right. 

-Ally

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Declutter

photo: generaltaygeneraltay.tumblr.com
Yesterday I was feeling so many things and couldn't find the words to describe how I was feeling. So much was going through my head that needed to come out. I wanted to write about the experiences from my travels to Perth and Seoul, share my thoughts, my second pregnancy, what's happening in my life and instead, no words could give me that satisfaction I yearned. 

I hate those moments the most when words fail me. Whether it's called writer's block or just a lack of figurative and literal inspiration - whatever it was, words couldn't be used and all I had were just emotions, feelings and thoughts that were knotted up together. I stared at my journal, blog, and social media willing for some spark of creativity, imagination, inspiration anything that would get the ball rolling only to be faced with more frustration. It was there right at the tip of my tongue, mind, fingers... instead all I saw was that blinking "I" and silence. Taunting me. Haunting me. 

"Damn" was all I can muster under my breath. Loud enough to release whatever pent up frustration buried deep. Loud just enough for my ears and my satisfaction and not for the ears of a certain two year old oblivious to what was happening to mommy. 

Well, if blocking was what was happening, then that blocking was what I am going to embrace. I was going to give it it's rightful moment and admit defeat. Maybe it's not time yet. Maybe I'm going through something. Maybe I'm transitioning. Whatever it is, I will let it take me to where it wants me to go. It wasn't as if I had nothing because I had plenty. Plenty happening, plenty to say, plenty to do. It was just that I wasn't feeling it. 

So, I gave up and went to clean my kitchen. Maybe it's my brain telling me "priorities" or my nesting hormones going into overdrive - whatever it was I cleaned. Start with the clutter I told myself. I got down to it - "expired" throw. "Haven't used in 3 months" - throw. "A layer of dust" - throw. As each throw happened I felt lighter, soon I was enjoying it way too much. 3 hours later my kitchen pantry looks spick and span, everything was back in it's rightful place and things that didn't have a place now has. I wrote a grocery list of things I needed to stock up on - only the necessities I tell myself. I made labels for everything. I felt free

Just like that this post happened. Maybe it was because I had too much in my head that I couldn't find what I was looking for. Maybe it was just too much of everything that had left me uninspired and stuck. Maybe I couldn't see what I needed past the clutter and the mess to get to where I wanted to be, to find the exact emotion, feeling, thought to get through to the word. Just like my kitchen, I needed to sort my head first. 

Anyway, I'm on a partial social media purge / fast in hopes to simplify and declutter my life before the second one arrives. I enjoyed cleaning the kitchen so much I've made it a home project to declutter the rest of my house as well. Hoping to be done before I pop. Till next time. 

-Ally

Saturday, 1 April 2017

To Pre-School We Go! One Month Countdown Begins.


All the feelings!

The truth is I can't let go. On the outside I'm an overjoyed mama excited that her little tiny baby girl is now a happy healthy eager two year old who is going off to Pre-school. BUT on the inside, oh the inside, I'm a mama who wonders where all the time went, how did we survive TWO AND A HALF years, when did she grow up to be this beautiful and smart, and how on earth does a parent go through this transition? Transition - that's the perfect word to describe what all this is.

No amount of time will prepare you for the first day. That's what I'm learning as the day draws closer. Hubbycat and I had slightly over a year to prepare ourselves (because I AM that Kiasu mom who paid the deposit to reserve a space for her child one year in advance) and what felt like a whole lot of time suddenly feels too short. We even considered deferring another term but of course we couldn't do that to her. While we may not be ready, she is

Oh, so ready, she is. She has grown into this little girl who is ready for this next phase in her life. She asks the "why?" "where?" and "who?" questions very frequently - a good sign of her trying to grasp understanding of the world around her. She easily mixes with other children her age - a good sign that she's socially matured enough to interact with other children. She doesn't need mommy and daddy around so much - a clear sign of her independence. So yes, the signs are there that sending her to pre-school will be more beneficial for her than not. 

So with heavy hearts, we prepare for the day. One month left. One month before she starts school for the next 20 years of her life. One month before she will start telling me "but Aunty so-so said so". One more month before she morphs into a child with much more understanding and character. Oh, excuse me while I cry a bit (dramamama!) 

AND If you think I'm bad, wait till you see the daddy (lol!) I bet you, he will be the one crying first and not wanting to leave while his 8month pregnant wife drags him out of the gate. Now that is a sight to behold. 

-Ally

Thursday, 23 March 2017

LittleLimLookbook #9 : Sail Away With Me


It's been such a long time since LittleLim and I did a LittleLimLookbook photoshoot / styling, but everything in the planet aligned one lovely afternoon in Perth. By everything I literally mean everything. From the unplanned visit to the Wannanup Marina which gave the perfect setting for her little boat jacquard dress to shine, the beautiful not too hot summer weather with the perfect lighting and the best mood a sick toddler can have. I couldn't ask for more, got down on my knees armed with only my iPhone and snapped away while LittleLim ran around happily exploring the docks playing among boats and waving to the lovely people enjoying the sun in their boats sipping on their champagne enjoying the summer sun and air. The life I wish for one day (work hard Hubbycat! lol). 

My favourite memory of this was how the best things in life doesn't always happen planned. And how beautiful childhood looks like unbounded. The bravery that come from not knowing the dangers of the world. How the sea is a scary place, how people aren't always friendly, how dogs don't always give you slobbery kisses... for now, I want LittleLim to live like this and let her mommy and daddy worry for her. For now I just want her to be free. 

-Ally






LittleLimOOTD #9
Boat print Jacquard Dress: Zara Kids
Tan Leather Sandals: Zara Kids

Saturday, 11 March 2017

The Rainbow Of My Motherhood


I tried describing my motherhood journey with colours, and this is what it looks like.

Red

Red reminds me of intensity. That would be the moment I brought LittleLim into the world. The rawest moment in my life would be at that moment of childbirth when everything in the world no longer mattered except being there. Engulfed in the intense pain of each contraction, the intense mix of emotions with each push and later the intense feeling of overwhelming love. Unconditional love. The moment she was placed on my chest and I felt myself die and I knew from my core that I would give and dedicate my life and purpose to her, that nothing is more perfect other than her and that I would protect her with my life. 

Orange

Orange reminds me of warmth. A pleasant hum, not bright enough to burn yet not dull enough to be forgotten. Orange reminds me of warm hugs and bed time snuggles. It reminds me of the moments LittleLim shows me affection or when she holds my hand to sleep. It's the warmth of her body as she inches closer to me in the middle of the night seeking me. It's the energy she carries with her as she runs towards me with arms wide open and hugs me tight. 

Yellow

Yellow is bright and sunny. It's the genuine laughs LittleLim gives when something brings her joy, the best sound in the world. It's the way she sees the world with such innocence and the way she lives so freely untainted by the world. The way she finds happiness over the simplest of things or how a raspberry kiss sends her into a fit of giggles. It's the tiny babbles and conversations I have with her. It's the way she goes "weee!" when we're driving or the way her eyes light up when she sees food. It's the way she goes around unburdened by the problems of the world with a glint in her eye and hope in her heart. She is my sun. She is yellow. 

Green

Green reminds me of growth. Like a sprout bursting from the seed. It gives me a promise of a future and for me motherhood is that. Personal growth for me and building LittleLim's future. Making sure I always find a balance for myself and a constant learning curve. To be the best I can so I can help her be reach her potential. Giving her the right nutrients, love and proper foundation to grow up right. To make a brighter future for herself, to set her on the right path so that she can be a positive contribution to society and to carry on our legacy. Green reminds me of youth and how she is my little seedling. To prepare and equip her to weather the storms and environmental influences that will come her way. I am put responsible for her growth and her future.

Blue

Blue is all the hard and difficult moments of motherhood. Sacrifices have to be made and hard decisions are many. It's a long and arduous journey. Sometimes it's lonely and some days it feels like no one understands. Mommy guilt and insecurities hit when things go bad. Like a storm cloud it comes and messes with you. Days when being a mother is the last thing you want to do. Stormy days where the kid is not being cooperative. It's for days when you feel like you're in constant disagreement with everything and nothing is going right in your world and feeling overwhelming hopelessness. It's days of blue when it feels like the end of the world, all you want is to hide in bed or the shower and have a good cry.

Indigo

Indigo is the quiet moments after periods of blue. Times of stillness and seriousness. It's when I'm contemplating life and this journey of motherhood. It's when I am reminded I am a person and that I cannot do this alone. These are moment of resilience and perseverance as I regain my strength and composure. I turn to God, Hubbycat and my family for strength and guidance because I cannot do this alone. It's where I reconnect with my spirituality, purpose and heart. It's where I tell myself to get up and keep going. 

Violet (Purple)

Violet, the color of royalty. A reminder that I am royalty- as a mother, a wife but most of all a woman. A woman of integrity, power and nobility. A woman that I want to be proud of for the principles and beliefs I hold and live by. A woman who holds herself and her family in high esteem and respect because she is to be respected. It's respecting myself first and foremost and knowing how valuable I am. It's respecting my heart, mind and body and giving it the proper treatment it deserves so that I can be the best version of myself to me, my husband, my child and the people around me. It's raising up children who knows their royal value and worth. Children who are secure and confident because of me. 

White

White is the sacredness of the role I have been given. The responsibility to steward and raise children who will be confident and brave to live. To equip them with the values, beliefs and characters that will show their true nature and purpose in life. It's the purity and innocence of the lives that have been bestowed to me and how I add colour on to it.

Black

Black are the days where I feel everything. Every colour, every emotion, relive every moment. It's when motherhood is a mix of the good and bad. It's for the ups and downs and in betweens. It's knowing that I am a woman, wife and mother and I'm left feeling so humble, so in awe and so touched by something so wonderful, miraculous and beautiful. 

-Ally

Saturday, 4 March 2017

What I Say My Kids Won't Do But Has Already Done

Mommies (and daddies) I know you know what I'm talking about.

You know, those moments pre-kid you would shake your head disapprovingly when you see a kid misbehave or do something unacceptable and you "tsk tsk" under bated breath and tell your makan kakis or think to yourself that your kid would never be allowed to do that when your turn comes. How your kid will be the most well behaved, well parented, well rounded kid to walk the planet?

Oh yes. I know you know because I've done it so many times. If only I could go back in time, I would slap judging pre-mommy Ally and tell her to "Wait till you become a mommy to your own kids! Then only you talk!"

Here's a list of some of the things I said I'll never let my kids do but have already done.


"My Kid Will Never Scream / Cry in Public"


Scenario : 
You're in a restaurant and suddenly the quietness is broken by a scream that resembles a dying kitten. You look around and find the culprit. A toddler who just doesn't know how to control himself. You give the parents your best "death stare"  for not controlling their kid / teaching them right. You tell yourself that your kid would never scream like that because if they do, you'll knock the scream out of them!

Mommy Ally:
Oh the naivety of pre-motherhood. hahahhaha! If only we could all figure out a way to control our infants / toddlers / kids. If only smacking the living daylights work all the time. Life would be so easy eh? Unfortunately, these tiny human beings come with built in excitement switches that goes off without warning or reason. 

Water in cup = Excitement.
Food = Excitement.
Poo ALSO Excitment. How?!

And the crying! Omg, crocodile tears, real tears who can tell anymore. Ish!

Till today I'm still trying to teach LittleLim that screaming  isn't necessary and that there are other ways to show excitement. I'm also teaching crying won't get her what she wants all the time. But let's just say, today I've let her do both at restaurants, cinemas, planes and even government offices. Of course I try to control it or take her out if it gets out of hand. Otherwise, I just turn a blind eye (and ear) and carry on. Pshtt. They'll learn eventually, right?


"My Kid Will Never Use The iPad"


Scenario : 
*head shakes* *tsk tsk* Look at that parent giving their kid the iPad during dinner! Don't they know how bad it is for the kid? My kid will never be allowed to use the iPad until they're 25! I'm going to find other ways to entertain them or at least get them to join in the conversation.

Mommy Ally :
WTF hahahahahah!

Seriously, don't bash it until you've tried it. I salute parents who stuck to their guns on the "no ipad" rule but unfortunately this mama has no patience nor the creativity to come up with different activities for mealtimes. And sometimes this mama just need some space to breathe and not worry her child is planning to head dive off the sofa.

By the time LittleLim was 11 months iNanny was my bff. Lol! 15minutes uninterrupted meal time / me time? YES PLEASE! Also, LittleLim has learnt ABCs, 123s, colours, toys, etc. from the iNanny so whatevs. I'm keeping it!

"My Kid Will Never Make A Mess!"


Scenario : 
You visit a family house and you see toys strewn everywhere. *Ouch!* Did you just sit on a Duplo minifig?! You think to yourself, my kid will never leave a mess! Or at least it will be a contained mess. 

Mommy Ally : 
*Scoff* *Chokes* *Snort* *Eye roll*

I tried. I honestly tried to enforce this. But I've just given up. My OCD is going crazy at this moment as my living room is in chaos. I cringe everytime I see that plastic lettuce under my coffee table. Didn't I just ask her to put it away?! Sigh... I'm now just too exhausted to be bothered. It'll only end up back there when she wakes up anyway. As for the mess... it has a mind of it's own! It cannot be contained. I tried... and now it's migrating into my dining room. I. GIVE. UP!

Now I see messy houses and nod empathetically. I get it mumma! Mine is exactly the same way. My kids are exactly the same. No amount of nagging will make them STOP making their mess. But to be honest, I don't really want them to stop. Mess means play. Play is good. Play is welcomed. Play is growth. Play is love. 

So power on LittleLim and make your mess. Do try to help mummy clean it up. Otherwise I'll just leave it there until you sleep... or clean up for once and for all when you turn 13. 

"My Kid Will Eat What Is Given To Them!"


Scenario :
Poor mother trying to bribe her child to eat. And the kid is just shaking her head / throwing food off her plate! My kid will not have that luxury of choice. It's eat or don't eat for them!

Mommy Ally :
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahha *catches breath* hahahahahahahahahhahaha! What a joke. Seriously.

As I type this, I just had to bribe LittleLim with Ribena Pastilles just so she will finish her cheese and crackers. On any normal day, LittleLim dictates what I cook. And everytime I feel like I'm gambling with her. Some days she eats it like it's her favourite food. Other days it's like the most vile thing in existence and I'm scrambling to find an alternative. I could let her starve as I said I would... but my mommy conscience and guilt won't let me.

So here I am being that poor mom who is bribing her kids to eat or giving in to chocolate and ice cream. Hey, at least she's eating!


"My Kids Won't Have Junk Food Until They're Teenagers!"


Scenario : 
You stumble on an article on child obesity and how fast food is the number one cause. You shake your head and wonder what these parents are thinking! When I have kids, they'll only eat organic food, fruits and vegetables and definitely non of this Maccas stuff. 

Mommy Ally : 
*Head bangs* *face palm* Damn I'm seriously one uptight pre-mommy. 

So... LittleLim had her first taste of Maccas when she turned 12months. The moment I realised my daughter is not allergic to anything I've already given her nuggets... and fries. In fact, nuggets and fries are most definitely winners in her books. Everytime she refuses to eat anything I whip up nuggets and fries. And then there's the processed food of sausages and fishballs and chocolates.... Clearly #notmomoftheyear! 

Again, this is the case of better fed than not. But that being said, everything in moderation! We do get her the best food available as well like expensive fresh ingredients, organic eggs etc. I mean I'm okay with going the junk food route but I also don't want to jeopardise her health. 

But as to the no junk food rule... thrown out the window! 


"My Kids Won't Co-Sleep With Us"


Scenario : 
When I have kids, they're going to be sleeping on their own crib and at 6 months, their own room! There's no way am I going to sleep with them on the same bed! 

Mommy Ally :
Teehee. LittleLim is 2 and she still sleeps with us on the bed >.< Yes, she has her own big girl bed which she does sleep in.... occassionally. I was so naive to think that babies could sleep anywhere at anytime. So so naive! LittleLim fed on demand and at 3am, I was too arsed to get out of bed, feed her and tuck her back in. Screw it, dream fed it was and dream fed I did. 

As for moving her to her own room.... my mommy heart is weak. The idea of her screaming and clawing at the door breaks me. And then hubbycat reminds me that she'll only be this small for a short while. So whatever, mommy cuddles! All day everyday! Even in the middle of the night at 3am. I mean they won't be in bed with you at 25 right?! 

"My Kids Won't Break Routine!"


Scenario : 
Oh dear! That child sleeps at what time?! There's no naps?! Eats ALL THE TIME?! What! Where's the routine! Where!!! My Kid will have a routine and they will not break it!"

Mommy Ally :
*roll on the floor laughing my ass off* 

I know of moms who are brilliant sargents! Their kids have routines and stick to it. They sleep without a fight, eat without a fight, study without a fight. They're like the Rory of Gilmore Girls... and then there's my kid. Thankfully my kid isn't too bad and is pretty good with timing... except bed time. And then meal times. Or any other time when I have something on and suddenly whatever routine we've set goes out the window. I tried being a disciplined mom, but I realised that if I did that I'll never be able to do things I want to do. And the selfish me is whatever! Screw routines! As long as you eat, sleep, poo I'm good baby.

The silver lining is I'm teaching my kid to be flexible right?! haha

"My Kids Will Never Steal My Identity!"


Scenario : 
"My kids are..." "There's this new school..." "You know pregnancy is weird..." OMG! Why is she only talking about pregnancy and kids?! Is there anything else going on in her life?! Damn, when I have kids my kids will never be the center of my universe! I am so going to be keeping my identity, my hobbies, me-time!

Mommy Ally : 
*wheezes* *chokes* *tears* 
Oh you poor naive kid. Hahahahahahah! 

Seriously, kids are time consuming. Unless you're lucky enough to have babysitters / maids / helpers on hand to take your kid off your hands for a few hours AND kids who aren't clinging on to your for dear life... don't even THINK of being able to find time to do other things. I know because I have experienced both. I salute any moms who are able to find a balance without any help but for me, pre-help mommy Ally was all baby baby baby baby. Eat also baby. Sleep also baby. Baby got poop? Baby got reflux? Play also baby. Everywhere I went baby went too. So naturally my topics became baby related topics. Gone were the hobbies, the book reading, the movie watching... except if it's The Wiggles, Thomas The Tank Engine or Peppa Pig. For the first year of motherhood, my baby was my identity. My whole world revolved around her. It was weird and amazing! I loved every minute I spent with her, I loved talking about her, I loved it all and wouldn't trade it for anything! (I'm sorry if I have become that annoying mom to my non-mommy friends..)

And while I have a bit more time on my hands now and have slowly started doing me-things again, I do miss my kids. My kids are my identity. They're my life. They're my everything! Given the choice, I'll happily let them take my identity again and again and again.

***

Seriously! How judgy was pre-motherhood Ally?!!! Now that I'm a mom, I am so amazed at how I and my kids have broken so many rules. So mummies, share some of yours! Let's laugh at our pre-mummy self and roll our eyes at them. 

As for the non-parents, before you make any judgement JUST WAIT TILL IT'S YOUR TURN. 

-Ally

Thursday, 2 March 2017

The Story Of Number Two

"A mother of two." It still feels heavy on my tongue and a whole lot foreign. Growing up, this wasn't the reality I had envisioned for myself. I was never a kid person and I never trusted myself to be a mother. The only thing I could "mother" were my cat babies. That was the closest I've ever been to being a mother. So when LittleLim came, I was amazed at how motherhood came so naturally for me. I call myself blessed to have been given stewardship and responsibility over children on my own. I love being a mother and cannot imagine not ever being one now. 

I always knew after LittleLim, we would definitely have more children. I always loved big families and how everyone comes together during festivities and I always wanted to have a house full of noise and fun. And we did say that once my body was ready, we would go and try for number two. The time came and I am still amazed at how my body was so ready. We fell pregnant so fast that it shook me a bit. I know we were planning for this and it was in no way surprising, but just at the speed of everything. I expected it to take time just like when we were trying to conceive LittleLim. Clearly God and my body had a different agenda. 

The speed of everything coupled with a difficult first trimester made me go into survival mode. On top of that, I still had to LittleLim to take care of and it was such a busy period that I didn't have much time to process and reflect on being pregnant again. To be honest, I'm still trying to process it and it's already week 23 weeks into this second pregnancy. It's also why there hasn't been much posts on my second pregnancy. 

But I'm ready to write because I just went for my detailed anatomy scan for second baby and the reality of this happening has sunk in. It's going to be A LOT of words... 23 weeks of words. So feel free to TL;DR this okay. It's more for me to remember these moments later on.

So...


Friday, 24 February 2017

Maybe I Should Throw A Tantrum

She used to look so baby-like! She has changed so much since this picture.
But one thing sure hasn't changed, her hatred for sleep -.-
If anything it's getting worse *curls fists*

Everything is going well. She's playing at her little table with her little make believe kitchen set. All's good. Then it's bed time. Oh the time I dread the most because for the past month, bedtimes has been filled with plenty of tears , screams, wide mouth "waaaahhhhh" crying I thought was only possible in animes and a lot of frustration. I have never met anyone who hated sleep so much until I had this child of mine. And they say kids sleep alot. Clearly not this kid *rolls eyes*. 

You know those videos of babies and toddlers falling asleep while halfway eating or singing or playing... well I'm still waiting for my turn. This kid here never sleeps... willingly anyway. It's always a lot of negotiating, pleading and when everything fails I turn to my most trusted method of counting down and walking out. The screams are horrendous and it makes me look like such a bad cop but it works. Usually by then she would be so exhausted by all the crying she'll just sleep. Not my favourite method but I'm desperate. 

The other day as she was crying and refusing to sleep, throwing the mother of all tantrums I wondered, what would happen if I threw the tantrum. What a sight that would be but for that split second of irrationality I wanted to throw a mega tantrum. I was frustrated, tired, annoyed, irritated and just had enough of all this. Whatever this is. 

Honestly there's no real point to this post. I just thought I'd write it down and share with you a bit of what I go through on a daily basis. So yes, what's new with this mommy? Oh, you know, just more crises that needs solving / managing / figuring out. Never a dull moment. It's just that this mama is weak and right now I'm praying for this phase to end. Hopefully soon because one of these days the husband is going to find me throwing the tantrum. 

In the meantime, anyone has any tips to share about getting stubborn two year olds to sleep willingly? Or is it normal for two year olds to NOT want to sleep -.-

-Ally